The sudden death of my tomato plant

It died quite suddenly. On Saturday morning I noticed wilted leaves thinking the plant is suffering from dehydration. On Sat night I realized someone pulled it out, on Friday.

Is my plant's fate a foreshadowing for my blog?

References

When I was younger, things seemed very simple. I either wasn't asked to be a reference, or I was asked to be a reference for someone for whom I could easily sing praises. Lately however, I find it hard being a reference. I think at risk of being thought of as a witch I have to politely decline to be a reference upfront, or suggest someone with a more glorious title.

95% of the time I just have to check off a couple of boxes, or answer a few multiple choice questions, or compose a generic letter concluding what an asset so-and-so going to be to the prospective place of employment/school. And the other 5% percent I hope ( and pray) that the check offs are leave room for vague answers, the multiple choice questions are very generic, and if I conclude my letters with just a ' please feel free to contact me for any further information' it won't look suspicious to the reader.

Because there are some people with whom I worked who were unfortunately mediocre-not bad, but not good, either; a somebody who was usually ( but not always) better than a nobody. And I was secretly relieved when they resigned. I don't want to provide inaccurate or inadequate information to the potential employer but I don't want to provide information that would be less than favorable, either. Agreeing to be a reference for someone implies that I'm on her/his side.

And so my 'new year's resolution' will be to try to go back to being blunt and transparent. Bluntness be a tad uncomfortable in the moment but it definitely eliminates nagging doubt in the future.

Happy new year!

Mad drivers

I enjoy a fast ride as much as anybody but it annoys me when drivers check how fast their cars can go 0->60 on a residential street. On Friday, I was crossing my street with SiM when I noticed a Honda Odyssey zooming towards us. Thank Gd, he slowed down a bit, apparently realizing that at his previous speed he won't necessarily clear us.

I blessed the car and its driver as they passed us. To my amazement, the van soon pulled into one of the neighboring driveways. Apparently, the zooming madman is my neighbor and a father of a few kids. I wanted to share my thoughts on speeding with him but unfortunately by the time I finished strapping SiM into his car seat, the zoomer was gone.

What kind of urgency is there for these fast driving moms and dads? Do they think it's ok to speed on a residential street as long as it isn't their street? ( or in case of my neighbor, as long as their kid isn't walking on it?) Do they think at all?!

GGRRRRRrrrrrrr!

Pacifiers

this is not a post on to-pacify-or-not-to-pacify or any of its derivatives. It's just my reflections on something I saw...

Today I was coming home from a grocery store and towards me, on a narrow sidewalk, walked a woman with a double stroller and a couple of kids in tow. When we approached each other, I gave her way and in the process I noticed how tired, even spent she looked. I also noticed a happy-looking three year old with a pacifier in his mouth.

A three year old with a pacifier in his mouth. It made me think for the next two minutes it took me to walk home. A paci in a mouth of a three year old is like a pregnant stomach to some people. They feel compelled to comment, try to remove it (pat it in a pregnant stomach case), tell stories from their experience. But in both cases, NoOne cares for these displays of attention. I saw how tired the mom looked, and I think I know why the three year old had the pacifier.

In short, it's socially unacceptable for a stranger to solicit advise on, for example, use of laxatives to someone who looks constipated and it's just as unacceptable to give advice on pacifiers or/and prenatal demeanor.

I think I'll keep my day job

While on maternity leave and nursing, I have some free time to read, watch the cooking channel, or eBay. Sometimes I choose eBay.

While pregnant, I managed to eBay and purchase too many items. So at this point in my life, I tried my luck as a salesperson and attempted to sell some of my maternity stuff. I listed one of the maternity dresses that I bought in a lot. I didn't wear it because it wasn't my speed and used.

The dress sold for an obscene $70. Albeit new it costs close to $200, I described the dress as having minor signs of wear, and I was naturally excited that it raked in so much. My excitement was somewhat short lived. Here's a condensed story in form of emails...

Sally Hazel (SH): hi, I sent you an invoice earlier today with two different shipping quotes (2 different services). Please let me know if you didn't receive it for some reason. thanks, Sally
[Paypal indicated that buyer was from London. After I emailed her an invoice, I received a 'request for total due'. I sent the above email as an explanation of my invoice.]

Buyer (B): Hi, I am now confused. Did you send me shipping quote for the US or the UK?I am now in the US NOT in London. Let me know and I'll pay straight away. Many thanks, Violetta

SH: Hi, I sent you a bill for your London address. Please change your address on Paypal and I'll be able to send you another invoice. sorry for the inconvenience, Sally

B: [Requested total from the seller]

SH: hi, I cannot change the bill until you change your address. sorry for the inconvenience. thanks, Sally

B: Hi, I've changed the address but it won't let me change the country! so now it seems as though canal street is in the UK... Hmm... Does that work? Thanks and sorry for inconvenience..Violetta

SH: hi, please confirm your shipping address. paypal is giving me a hard time. thanks, Sally

B: [emailed her address]

B: Hi,I just received the dress and I am unfortunately not at all happy with the condition. What you described in the listing as 'minimal piling present under arms' is in reality heavy piling, especially over the right breast, in very plain view. I wouldn't have minded light piling under arms but I think the dress is not at all in the condition advertised. Please advise as I wouldn't have bid $70 for a dress in such poor condition. Many thanks, Violetta

SH: hi, Sorry you aren't' happy with the dress. I thought I described it accurately ( I even asked a second opinion before listing it). Please ship it back and I'll refund your $. Or you can drop it off in Midtown during business hours if that would be more convenient ( let me know and I'll give the the exact address).Thanks, Sally

SH: I just thought of something else. If the dress fits you- to save you the time of returning and me of relisting the dress- you can bring it to cleaners to remove whatever piling bothers you. I'll issue you partial refund. Let me know if that's something that'll work for you, thanks, Sally

B: Hi, I'm sorry but in the condition it is in I don't think the dress is worth half what I paid for it, even if drycleaner managed to work miracles.I can come drop it off tomorrow. Could you give me an address? Also, would you refund Paypal? Many thanks Violetta

SH: No problem, I'll refund your account as soon as I get the dress . but since I didn't hear from you yesterday and my friend who works on Lexington only works Mon through Fri, please ship it. Thanks, Sally

B: Ehhhr... It's Saturday tomorrow so you wouldn't be able to receive it by mail before Tuesday anyway?!? I find your inflexibility disheartening. Oh well.

SH: Shrug. I'm bending over backwards to accommodate you with a return of an item which is normally not returnable ...I wasn't able to reach my friend for exact address . I'll email you by Sunday with the address . Please return the dress by Mon between 9-5 business hours. Thanks, Sally

SH: My friend will be at work tomorrow from 8:00 till 5:00 with a break for lunch from 1:00 to 2:00. The exact address is ... You can call 212-...and ask for... - she will meet you in the lobby, if you do not want to come up. Thank you.

B: still awaiting your address for return. Please advise. I'd like to be done with this as soon as possible. Many thanks, Violetta

SH: I mailed you the address and Even her phone number yesterday. If I don't get the dress tomorrow I won't be able to take it back. Thank you, Sally

B: You have not emailed me anything yesterday. You said in your last correspondence with me that you would have sent me address on Sunday but you didn't.I DIDN"T, repeat DIDN'T, receive ANYTHING from you yesterday and I check my email several times a day.If this is a clever trick to avoid returning an inappropriately advertised item, then know that I will not hesitate in opening a Paypal/Ebay dispute and I will not hesitate in leaving you a negative feedback.Please advise as soon as possible as this is getting ridiculous.Violetta

B: I just saw this [the email with the address in the city] in my Ebay inbox. It was clearly sent today NOT yesterday.

SH: Please cancel this transaction [trying to recover the fee ebay charged for the sale that didn't happen].

B: Happy to cancel transaction after I receive the refund.Many thanks Violetta

B: Please advise Re: refund

B: I really think that as a gesture of goodwill you should have refundd the entire amount (USD 74.95).i'd like to remind you that had you been accurate in your description there would have been no need to return the item so it is really cheap on your part to not refund postage.

PS. I still await for the transaction to be cancelled and wonder why I felt any sympathy at all for pregnant cheep Violetta?

Bitter Sweet

Tonight, even though there was lots of tasty food in the house, I had the urge to get dinner from my favorite Carlos and Gabby. At the last moment, I decided to eat in, instead of taking it to go. Then, I was compelled to buy seltzer, just in case all that good food won't agree with me.
And then I saw someone with whom I was very close 15 years ago, a great friend with whom I lost touch even before she got married.

The reconnection was instant. It was as if we've never lost touch. Then, in a short conversation on our way back to our cars ( we both parked around-the-corner, one behind the other), she told me she was in the process of getting divorced. She didn't need my sympathy, my words of comfort. But this bit of news added bitterness to our happy reunion. There was my always down to earth, fun friend who always found a positive spin on things, just telling me simply that sometimes things don't turn out the way you wish they did.

My Garden - a long overdue update

After I posted a picture of plant cemetery, I actually took care of my little patch of soil which I proudly call my garden. Here are some long overdue pictures.

Memorial Service in a Nursing Home

Today at work, there was a memorial service for all the residents who recently passed away. It was organized by the sister of Bobbie, one of the diseased, and a good chunk of the service focused on Bobbie.

Bobbie passed away suddenly and very much unexpectedly. One day she was walking around and the next day she came up on the census as an 'expiration in-house'. Her sister brought a few of Bobbie's childhood pictures -both of them together, Bobbie happily munching something sitting in a high-chair, Bobbie in her father's arms, Bobbie proudly standing next to her mother. The sister told a few anecdotes about Bobbie and then asked others to speak.

Some staff and relatives of other residents spoke. There were a few times when I wanted to say a few words but in the end I stopped myself. What would I say? That Bobbie had an incredible memory and remembered me and my name after not seeing me for 2 years? That Bobbie wanted to be popular and pretty so she frequently said 'I hate you because you hate me!' and wore bright lipstick smudged in the general location of her lips? Or that Bobbie very much wanted to have a baby and/or be skinny (she was) at the same time and would often inform people that she was pregnant or on a diet? Or that Bobbie missed her sister (apparently estranged) and wanted to leave the nursing home saying almost every day "I'm leaving today. My sister is coming to pick me up!" Or that I found this memorial service to be a too-little-too-late-compensation of Bobbie's sister for a relationship that went sour for whatever reason. But all that would be just me passing judgement , not me giving tribute to Bobbie - unnecessary and somewhat out of place.

Instead, I listened to Bobbie's neighbors' memories of her...
One said succinctly: " I remember Bobbie. She wanted to marry me." It was his wishful thinking but a memory of Bobbie he firmly made up in his head.
A female resident said that she remembered that Bobbie used to have a very pretty bracelet.
And a resident who was really close to Bobbie came up and started telling a bizarre monologue in a flat sing-song:
This is how the story goes... Bobbie and I met in school when I was 4 and she was 3...We became great friends...And I miss her very much...

And he just walked away. But his strange sing-song was a true tribute to Bobbie and the last 3 speeches expressed how most of us felt - we missed Bobbie.

How quickly we forget

A week ago (7/7/09 to be exact) one of my relatives returned to the States after long 'religious' travels all over the world, the last stop of which was the great country of Ukraine.
It's possible that one of the few readers that I may have actually hails from that great country and still has lots of fond memories associated with it.

My relative and family had lots of fond memories of that great country, too. However, as they observed strict dietary laws even in Ukraine, they seem to be delighted by things and foods that stopped exciting me looooong time ago (can it be 20 years?).

For one thing, they couldn't get enough of those mediocre tasting chocolate vanilla ice cream, aka Dixie Cups. Naively I asked them if they like such ice cream. They just said that in Ukraine, they used to get dairy ( chalav israel) ice cream one a year, for Shavuot ( holiday) and to eat ice cream whenever was a real treat! A real treat to eat Klein's Dixie Cups!

How many times did I pass by Dixie Cups without even thinking of them as Ice Cream? I'd be embarrassed to admit. However, the Dixie Cups are my new symbol of how quickly we get used to something that's good and forget how good we have it.

The new cat on the block

I don't know about you, but I pretty much know all the stay cats who roam near my house. I even used to feed them my cholent (until I saw 2 huge raccoons in my backyard in January).

A couple of weeks ago I noticed a newcomer. He was different from all other cats-very scrawny, with dull looking fur. He looked so pitiful, I put out some gifilte fish that night. And every time I saw him, I felt pity for him.

Yesterday, while my sister and I were sipping tea on my 'front porch', I saw the new cat pass by. He became a topic of our conversation and suddenly my sis put words to my feelings. This cat looked so pitiful and disturbing because even stray cats here, in America (Brooklyn?) look well fed.

Something good to keep in mind before complaining about tough economic times...

Welcome to our block

For a while now I've been tempted to write a 'welcome to our block' series. Yet, I must contain myself as one of my neighbors occasionally reads this stuff. And since this post is quite benign, I decided to go for it.

B'H I live on this block for close to 2.5 years. There is a family man who lives a couple of houses down from me whose voice I haven't heard in all this time. He first left an impression on me when a couple of years ago, my car got stuck on the ice and this gentleman walked right by, got into his car, and happily drove off.

Well today I was coming home from a store, happily chatting with my kids while pushing their double stroller. I was about to cross the street when this gentleman pulled his car up right in front of us. I tried to move forward. He did the same. I politely stopped, waiving for him to go ahead. He stopped also, for some unknown reason parking at a hydrant quite a distance from his house). Since he didn't shut off the ignition, I felt compelled to tell him "we are crossing the street," in case he chose to start driving as soon as I stepped down on the street.

The man shocked me when he answered "good luck". I told him that we'll do our best and giggled at our first conversation. Only when I was walking up my stairs did I notice his wife pulling out of their driveway. The gentleman, it seems, politely gave her room to maneuver her vehicle.

This incident may be enlightening regarding his kids' affinity to stare. Though, as always, it may just be my overactive imagination at work.

I am my neighbor

I have a neighbor who, when parked on the street, likes to repark his car closer and closer to her house. I used to think it a bit peculiar yet somewhat admirable -most people are too lazy for that kind of exercise.

Yesterday, I parked my car across the street from my house. About an hour later, when I came to unload the trunk, I noticed the same parking spot available on my side of the street. I ran like a woman who woke up a few minutes after the alternate-size-parking-street-cleaning-hours went into effect to repark my car. Once I unloaded the trunk and started walking to my house did I realize that I've joined my neighbor's exercise group.

On Gardening

When I was around 10 years old, my friend and I started collecting house plants. We used to take leaves, shoots, stems from any new plant we saw and plant them in our respective houses. We (not just my friend, but I, too) got so good at it, that at one point we each had more than 30 plants thriving in our houses.

Fast forward to now. I have 3 plants. An African violet and some small succulent plant are in the kitchen. The strategic placement of these plants on the left of the sink unfortunately did nothing for their well being. The are alive because they are tough and by the mercy of the cleaning lady and the babysitter. (I help them out periodically which I'm sure is better than no help at all?)

My third plant is a spider. They don't come any tougher. I try to take it outdoors during the warm months so it gets lots of sun and strength. A third of its leaves usually makes it through the winter... I took it outside earlier today. Hopefully, it's on the rebound as I type.

As far as outdoor greenery... A few years in a row, I used to have luscious grass around April. Joined by colorful flowers some time mid-May. All yellow around mid-July when I would inadvertently forget to water them. Believe it or not, it only takes a couple of hot summer NY days of water deprivation and the plants go limp, often irreversibly so...

Anywho, all of the above was just an intro to the following exciting news. My front lawnette is now ready to receive flowers ( and possibly tomatoes?)! The tombstones, together with the dead flowers and dry leaves, were respectfully relocated into trash bags.

Hope to report more good news any day or sooner!

Cemetery

Most people took care of their gardens and front lawns by now.

But if you are a procrastinator, your garden may just look like a flower cemetery with unkempt tombstones sadly sitting in the dirt.

Credits: brother

I'm not from Moscow

I was standing in the check- in line in the airport with my kids in a stroller, when some grandma stood on my left with an obvious attempt to cut in. I politely told her that I have two carts full of suitcases besides the stroller but grandma didn't seem to budge. When the line moved and grandma (periodically joined by younger generation who brought in luggage) tried to wedge in, I again said that I was in line in front of her. The man behind whom I stood confirmed that.

Grandma's reaction? In an Eastern European accented voice she told me "It's ok. Since I'm not from Moscow, you can push ahead!"

Normally, I'd respond in kind. But my immediate reaction was "how does she know?"... A second too late I realized that she didn't, she was just trying to insult me. But the moment was gone. Well, that and her advanced age. So I just told her that I didn't want to miss my flight, either.

When hubby and luggage joined me, I couldn't stop laughing recalling this story. And I also wondered that people don't seem to need much to be snobs. Who knows, maybe the senior thought that Nazi Hungary was much more superior to communist Russia? Who am I to tell...

Birthday Party - a personal ramble

Whenever I have conflicts with self and the stubborn voice inside tells something opposite of the polite/proper/necessary/civilized/etc voice, I know I should always listen to the stubborn voice. That voice usually takes good care of me when the civilized voice takes care of everybody else.

Tonight I attended a kid's bday party hosted by a one-time great friend. I didn't listen to the little egotistical voice. So instead I had 45 minutes to mull in my head how disappointing our meeting was as I drove home.

I tried to sort out what exactly ticked me off. I know it wasn't the fact that I didn't get the memo re: >3.5 heeled shoes - self and some senior citizen were the only 2 grown up women with flats on. When this was pointed out to the friend, I was told ' you know how my parties are.' 'Now I know' was all I can say.

Maybe that was it. I didn't know what I got myself into. Having an inkling is not quite the same thing as stepping right into something. And it's rather hard to find someone who wants to exchange small talk with you when you don't have the uniform on. I did succeed to have a quite pleasant conversation with the senior citizen (not once mentioning the only thing we had in common). As for my friend - we barely exchanged a few words. I know the hosts are usually busy, but that busy?

I didn't know how her parties were, and I no longer knew her either. Even if I put on my 4" Stewart Weitzmans (the skinniest and highest heels I've got), she and I wouldn't have much to say besides our mutual admiration for each other's kids and our assurances how much we missed each other/hope to see each other soon.

Another one of life's disappointments to note and get over with. And a lesson to listen to the little voice, politely excuse self from attending bday parties, and send gifts by mail.

Addendum (March 30th): I just got an email from Banana Republic with their 'most wanted' list. Apparently, 4" heels are in. Back to the cave I go.

Cleaning up and the cleaning lady

I try to clean up the house a bit before the cleaning lady arrives. Not that I'm embarrassed of my mess as such. I just want to be able to find some essentials which may be lost of months after the cleaning lady leaves.

Today I decided to forgo the usual clean up, and do some pesach and spring cleaning instead. The results were as follows:
-I collected 2 contractor's (big garbage) bags worth of clothing for donations. This did not include kids' clothes which I try to give away to friends and family. It included some (but not yet all) clothes in sizes I don't even remember myself wearing hidden in the depths of my linen closet. It also included some sweaters which I missed in the beginning of winter and also discovered in the bowels of my very spacious linen closet.

-Discovery of 2 shopping bags of fleishig storage containers, old unopened mail (TG no bills), and some professional publications. My cleaning lady who likes neatness as well as cleanliness apparently didn't mind all that being in before mentioned linen closet.

-4 empty kids' shoe boxes neatly stacked in the coat closet. She used to ask me if I need certain seemingly unnecessary items before discarding them, now my cleaning lady just neatly piles them away.

-2 smallish bags of clothing I purchased for my nieces. Thankfully, they are still the right size, but if I don't mail them within a week, they'll be for a wrong season (mailing things efficiently is a bit of an issue).

-2 Elmo costumes carelessly thrown in a pile on top of some shoes. Not sure if I should credit the cleaning lady or the babysitter. Either way, they were more efficient than me (even if not neat).

-A pair of new light corduroy pants in SiM's size. Just what I've been looking for! and perfect for Pesach.

-A huge Toys R Us shopping bag with miscellaneous stuff from my car, some old mail, and a fleishig container in the back of the coat closet (cleaning lady?).

-A throw pillow and 3 kids' blankets in the coat closet. Suspect the cleaning lady but can't say for sure.

Got to love spring cleaning!

Doctor's visit

Usually, Eh and SiM start making unhappy noises 50 feet away from the pediatricians office. However, last week Eh was uncharacteristically quiet (read she didn't cry) and SiM followed suit throughout MD visit. They both let the doctor listen to their lungs, check their ears, eyes, nose, and throat without as much as a peep (They didn't get weighed but I'm sure they wouldn't handled that, too).

On Tuesday, because I couldn't take my congestion anymore (read-parched lips, no voice, and nose used purely for decorative purpose) I decided to go to a doctor to finally get some antibiotics (an unfortunate necessity since I'm no longer in close contact with all my former MD/PA/NP friends). SiM asked to go with me.

He did ok in the waiting room. He asked to go to the car once we entered the exam room. But after my MD walked into the room, SiM started observing everything with fascination (while I hoped my blood pressure didn't go up just from being in the doctor's office as a patient). And the kicker- SiM accepted MD's hand and they walked out of the exam room ahead of me.

And today, my nose is functioning almost as new. Thanks Gd!

I miss my neighbors

Soon after we moved to the block we discovered that the middle aged couple who lived in a house not far from ours wasn't that friendly ( not the only ones, but the post is dedicated to them). They didn't really answer our greetings, and I remember hubby practicing assertiveness ( or just amusing himself) but saying "good morning" a few times until he's get an answer back.

Well, this couple moved. And into their house moved a family with a whole bunch of little kids. Those kids stare. And blatantly refuse all our attempts (mine and my kids) at friendship. The parental greetings are also scarce...

Well, yesterday I passed by a house that's rumored to be that to which the middle-aged-formerly-my-neighborly couple moved to. And to my surprise and disgust (or maybe just guilt?) I realized that I miss them.

With a regrettable delay I realized that I prefer middle aged snobs to younger (snobbish?) starers...

By the way, is starer a word?

I can run but can I hide?

On Friday instead of my customary grocery shopping during lunch, I go to the Village of Lawrence to shop for Purim. Luckily for me, there is a parking spot right in front of the store, so I turn on my blinker, pause a bit ( just in case the driver behind me didn't realize what the blinker was for), pull up to the car in front of the spot and that the stupid girl driving behind me is practically on my bumper.

I put my car in reverse, still hopeful that with a few maneuvers I'll get into the spot. But I hear the girl nervously signaling me...I roll down my window and gesture to her that I signaled, and paused, etc and there is a spot and all. Not sure if I point to my head in the process... But after gesticulating I look in the rear view mirror and realize that at this point, there are a few cars behind the girl. In the Village of Lawrence, unlike the Town of Brooklyn, they have parking lots behind the stores (a nuisance with muni meters and all but still better than no parking), so I give up my pursuit of a convenient spot and move on.

Within a minute, I get two text messages, almost simultaneously. I have an uneasy feeling that someone spotted me. The first message says " Was it you?" and then the second one, unnecessarily clarifies " on Central Avenue".

Why, from all my trips to the village, should it be a Brooklyn moment during which I get spotted by one of my dear friends? Bashert, I'm sure...

PS When I asked my friend why she didn't honk hello, she just replied " and miss the entertainment?" I guess life in the village is a bit slow.