We'll miss you, Dr. Sima

Last week, I've done something I do quite often. I fell asleep before the kids did. 45 minutes later, I tried to return to the world of productive adulthood by checking my facebook while still in bed.
After cutesy pins and re-pins, I saw a post that looked like a bad joke. My friend posted that she called Dr. Sima's office to make an appointment and was told that Dr. Sima passed away.
I read and reread the post, suddenly very awake.
Comments on the post seemed to express condolences but I still didn't fully believe it. Dr Sima was young. Well, middle aged young, but still young. She had kids who were a bit younger than me.

I've met Dr SIma 6.5 years ago. The first thing that was very obvious about her - she was very kind. She had a kind face. She was gentle with my baby. She didn't give the aura of Dr-knows-best. Unassuming, compassionate, pleasant and personable.
She always sounded concerned about the welfare of my kids. She always gave them ( and me) the attention we needed, no matter how many patients she had in the office or how late in the day it was.

The news of Dr. Sima's passing filled me with sorrow. And regret. This past summer,  a few times, I wanted to visit her with the kids, just to say hi. But something always came up - no car, a job. I felt there was always next time.
The regret mixed with the guilt that there is no next time is quite unbearable, too. I wanted to go to her with the kids and tell her that we remember her and her kindness, to tell her one more time that she was the best pediatrician we knew. Now I can only tell it to this blog.

Good bye, Dr. Sima. May your memory be blessed.
(Originally written on September 4, 2012)

Engagement Parties

The other day I went to an engagement party and here's a quick summary. Almost all of the guests were wearing black ( men and women). A party planner was involved as there were cookies, cakes, flowers, tablecloths, etc. with the same theme/color scheme. There were quite a few beautiful flower arrangements and presents on display in the corner.

Apparently, this was not unique to this engagement party as I've attended another one a few months ago which had similar characteristics ( except there were more colorful clothing choices as it was in the summer). So there is the l'chaim for the family/close friends, the engagement party, the shower, and the wedding. Apparently, if anybody is anybody they are expected to bring ( chip in for) a gift at each step of the way.

When did this become a norm? Is there a trend to give a smaller gift at the wedding which necessitated all the gift giving prior to the happy event? Or was I living in a cave and this has been happening for ages?

Mad drivers

I enjoy a fast ride as much as anybody but it annoys me when drivers check how fast their cars can go 0->60 on a residential street. On Friday, I was crossing my street with SiM when I noticed a Honda Odyssey zooming towards us. Thank Gd, he slowed down a bit, apparently realizing that at his previous speed he won't necessarily clear us.

I blessed the car and its driver as they passed us. To my amazement, the van soon pulled into one of the neighboring driveways. Apparently, the zooming madman is my neighbor and a father of a few kids. I wanted to share my thoughts on speeding with him but unfortunately by the time I finished strapping SiM into his car seat, the zoomer was gone.

What kind of urgency is there for these fast driving moms and dads? Do they think it's ok to speed on a residential street as long as it isn't their street? ( or in case of my neighbor, as long as their kid isn't walking on it?) Do they think at all?!

GGRRRRRrrrrrrr!

Mazal tov to Moishe Holtzberg

"Thousands Mark Anniversary of Mumbai Terror Attack, As Moishe Turns 3 Celebrating His Upsherin " reads one of the articles in VosIsNeias.

It's been a year since terrorists murdered close to 200 people in Mumbai including Moishe's parents and 4 other Jews in Chabad house, Hy'd. My memory of this event is very clear still. The horror, the disbelief, the relief unon hearing that Moshe was saved, praying and hoping against hope that there were survivors in the Nariman house.

So, thank Gd for little Moishe and happy birthday to him. Hashem should comfort the families of the victims. And in words of the hero, Sandra Samuel, her message to the world is "to carry on life, be strong and that's it."

The teeth of a gifted horse

One often wonders what goes on in people's heads when they choose to give a gift and then actually give the gift itself. Sometimes, the degree of an obligation to give the gift dictates the type of gift that's given. At times, it's the giver's personality, financial situations, closeness to the receiver of the gift, some combination of all factors, or some other reason that I can't think of now.

A few days ago we got a baby gift- one of our neighbors kindly gave us a Catimini (French. Expensive.) outfit. In size 2. And the top snap fell off as soon as the outfit was removed from the gift bag.

The conversation that followed a bit later included some of the following:

-How did you even accept the gift- you sit at home and don't open the door? (True statement, as I hibernate in my bedroom without opening the front door or answering my phone much.) What can I answer to that? I mistook my neighbor for my sister in law- something which neither one understood later. But once the door is open, it's rather difficult to say, Thanks for stopping by, but I don't accept any gifts, especially from you and especially something that I have to keep in my closet for the next two years AND remember to find it then and put it on my kid...

-The neighbor regifted this crap. It probably survived from one of her kids and it isn't worth much. We don't need any gifts in general and a gift like this in particular. Agreed. Most people regift and very few can do so gracefully...

-Why don't you go back to the neighbor and tell her that the snap fell off? Politely ask her where she got it and tell her you want to go and exchange it for a smaller size with a snap that would stay on for at least one day. I was embarrassed to admit that I'm too old for such tricks. Ten years ago I would've done it with a straight face but now I think it's better to donate this outfit or use it as a rag than go through the suggested routine.

-This gift reminds me of the one we got from your friend for Eh. She gave us a baby monitor when we lived in a rather small 1 bedroom apartment with the baby's converted-from-closet-with-a-window-room right next to ours. Yea, that useful gift came from a friend who lived in a similarly small apartment. And, she presented it as a gift from her whole family...If nothing else, these gifts are definitely memorable.

-Mommy, are we going to give this back to our neighbor? [Dear Gd, we shouldn't have such conversations in front of our kids! ] No, of course not! The new baby is going to wear it when she gets older. I just forgot to bring it to her room...

So I brought the bag with the outfit upstairs and kept it on my desk long enough to remember to write this post. Now I have to decide if it's ok to put it in the bag with some used clothes that I'm giving to a friend. After all, it's a Catimini.

ESL, Ulpan, whatever- just do it!

On Shabbat, Eh went to visit one of her friends. There, we met another little girl, ' a cousin from Eretz Yisroel'. This was exciting to me and I didn't hesitate to mention that Eh's cousin from Israel was visiting as well.

While the kids were playing, I asked Eh's friend's mom if she knew how to say 'slides' in Hebrew. She said that unfortunately she didn't speak a word of Hebrew. Then, I turned to cousin-from-Eretz-Yisroel's mom and asked her the same question.
Her reply? A proud "I don't know. I live in an American neighborhood and I don't need to know Hebrew..."

I jokingly told her that she's like the Russians on Brighton who live in the country for 20+ years and can barely speak a coherent sentence in English. She agreed with a serious look on her face.

I let the subject drop but it bothered me long enough to actually post about it.

What's up with all these people who don't bother to learn the language of the country where they live?! The babysitters who want to teach you and your kids how to speak Spanish instead of trying to learn from you OR your kids how to speak English... The cleaning ladies whose vocabularies year after year after year don't change much and include something like 'bounty, Windex, Ajax (pronounced a-Hoks), fantastic, lot-of-work-more-money'...The students and their families who pride themselves in learning in 'Eretz Yisroel' yet can't express themselves well enough in a grocery store and may ask for 'chicken's underwear' instead of 'chicken bottoms'?!

And there are many many more examples but unfortunately I must get to bed or else. In conclusion, I say the foreigners should drop the pride in their ignorance and attempt to learn a little. I hear it may delay the onset of senile dementia...

How quickly we forget

A week ago (7/7/09 to be exact) one of my relatives returned to the States after long 'religious' travels all over the world, the last stop of which was the great country of Ukraine.
It's possible that one of the few readers that I may have actually hails from that great country and still has lots of fond memories associated with it.

My relative and family had lots of fond memories of that great country, too. However, as they observed strict dietary laws even in Ukraine, they seem to be delighted by things and foods that stopped exciting me looooong time ago (can it be 20 years?).

For one thing, they couldn't get enough of those mediocre tasting chocolate vanilla ice cream, aka Dixie Cups. Naively I asked them if they like such ice cream. They just said that in Ukraine, they used to get dairy ( chalav israel) ice cream one a year, for Shavuot ( holiday) and to eat ice cream whenever was a real treat! A real treat to eat Klein's Dixie Cups!

How many times did I pass by Dixie Cups without even thinking of them as Ice Cream? I'd be embarrassed to admit. However, the Dixie Cups are my new symbol of how quickly we get used to something that's good and forget how good we have it.

Watch your mouth

I was driving with the kids on one of narrow local streets when suddenly the car in front of me stopped. Just like that, in the middle of the road. I patiently waited as, apparently, the driver had to receive something from an apologetic-looking pedestrian. Then the car continued standing in the middle of the street.

I'm all for stopping if and when needed but kindly move to a side! So, I honked. The car moved forward a bit and stopped. I honked again, a bit longer, more inpatient honk. The car inched forward again. BUT not to either one of the sides. Then I just didn't let go of the horn. It was passed kids' bedtime, I felt exhausted and annoyed. MOVE!

Finally, the car inched a bit more AND slightly to the left. And I was finally able to squeeze by. When I was finally able to see the driver (some oblivious local woman of unidentifiable age) I yelled into my closed window "Move over!" and then against my better judgement but with lots of emotion "Stupid!".

Then we stopped by a red light and Eh asked " what did you say mommy?"
"I told the car to move over so we can pass..." I answered hoping that my Jewish instrumentals were loud enough during my 'conversation' with a fellow motorist.
"Why did you say that?"
"I wanted her to move over so we can pass..."
"Why?"
"I just wanted to pass..."
"Why did you say 'stupid'?"

Oops... "It was a mistake. I'm sorry. I said 'stupid' by mistake..."

In response, Eh just laughed.

An antisemite next door...

I've been patronising the local nail salon for the past few years. I even know the names of the owner and a couple of the workers and wave hi to them whenever I just pass by.

Today, I came home early enough to pick up Eh and go for a mommy-and-me manicures. While in there, I decided to 'shape' my eyebrows as well. And right before my turn some teenage Jewish girl (or was she possibly in her 20s) paid $14 worth of services with a credit card. The owner made a big deal about that transaction -'we get 85c from dollar, next time bring cash', etc.

I thought that in such cases she shouldn't accept credit cards and followed one of the 'cosmetologists' to the back to get my eyebrows done. A couple of minutes later, apparently as soon as the credit-card-paying-girl walked out, the owner said "$14 pay with credit card, less tip. should bring cash. Jewish!" and some patron (later observed to be of African descent) responded " yea, that's how they get rich..." The conversation continued in the same tones for a few minutes.

I asked the cosmetologist taking care of my eyebrows, who also serviced the credit-card-paying-girl, if she wasn't tipped by the girl. And unless I grossly misunderstood the thick accent, she was tipped, from the same credit card. I also mentioned to her that the conversation in the front 'was not nice'. To her credit, the cosmetologist looked embarrassed.

As soon as I was released from the eyebrow shaping, I took my kid by the hand (who the whole time patiently waited to have to nails polished), paid for my eyebrows in cash ( leaving a cash tip for self and the kid before me), said that I no longer wish to paint mine or my daughter's nails in that place, explained to the owner in one G-rated sentence why I was leaving, and left.

I learned from a very young age that my nation is not a popular one. But until today, I still cannot believe the extent of stupidity of those displaying their dislike of my people...

#17 and I should start learning from my kids

A few days ago I noticed #17 on its way out (R upper molar). I squealed with delight and Eh immediately demanded SiM show off his new tooth, assisting him in opening his mouth...Oh, to be young again.

Today, after dinner, hubby was using a toothpick. Eh requested to have one. SiM said he wants one, too.

Hubby: It's only for adults who have teeth. Kids can get hurt using toothpicks.
SiM: I have teeth [priceless display of his bite].
Eh: No, you don't have a lot of teeth, I do [grimacy smile]!
I: SiM has a lot of teeth already [one must defend a kid who has 17th tooth on its way] but toothpicks are not for kids. Let's have a dessert...

Before dinner, the kids were playing in front of the house when SiM noticed one of the staring kids and followed the kid up her stairs. He followed it with a short conversation with the kid and her mom. All this followed by me having an actual conversation with the mom ( who incidentally asked me if SiM can talk - good thing he didn't realize that he wasn't understood). Then, Eh joined the excitement and conversed with the mom, too. Maybe soon, the kids would converse with us, too.

Lesson: Don't be too proud to learn from your kids? and remember that Gd helps those who help themselves?

Welcome to our block

For a while now I've been tempted to write a 'welcome to our block' series. Yet, I must contain myself as one of my neighbors occasionally reads this stuff. And since this post is quite benign, I decided to go for it.

B'H I live on this block for close to 2.5 years. There is a family man who lives a couple of houses down from me whose voice I haven't heard in all this time. He first left an impression on me when a couple of years ago, my car got stuck on the ice and this gentleman walked right by, got into his car, and happily drove off.

Well today I was coming home from a store, happily chatting with my kids while pushing their double stroller. I was about to cross the street when this gentleman pulled his car up right in front of us. I tried to move forward. He did the same. I politely stopped, waiving for him to go ahead. He stopped also, for some unknown reason parking at a hydrant quite a distance from his house). Since he didn't shut off the ignition, I felt compelled to tell him "we are crossing the street," in case he chose to start driving as soon as I stepped down on the street.

The man shocked me when he answered "good luck". I told him that we'll do our best and giggled at our first conversation. Only when I was walking up my stairs did I notice his wife pulling out of their driveway. The gentleman, it seems, politely gave her room to maneuver her vehicle.

This incident may be enlightening regarding his kids' affinity to stare. Though, as always, it may just be my overactive imagination at work.

I'm not from Moscow

I was standing in the check- in line in the airport with my kids in a stroller, when some grandma stood on my left with an obvious attempt to cut in. I politely told her that I have two carts full of suitcases besides the stroller but grandma didn't seem to budge. When the line moved and grandma (periodically joined by younger generation who brought in luggage) tried to wedge in, I again said that I was in line in front of her. The man behind whom I stood confirmed that.

Grandma's reaction? In an Eastern European accented voice she told me "It's ok. Since I'm not from Moscow, you can push ahead!"

Normally, I'd respond in kind. But my immediate reaction was "how does she know?"... A second too late I realized that she didn't, she was just trying to insult me. But the moment was gone. Well, that and her advanced age. So I just told her that I didn't want to miss my flight, either.

When hubby and luggage joined me, I couldn't stop laughing recalling this story. And I also wondered that people don't seem to need much to be snobs. Who knows, maybe the senior thought that Nazi Hungary was much more superior to communist Russia? Who am I to tell...

Shabbat guests aka the tales from CNN

Last week we had to guests on shabbat lunch - a wholesale distributor (wh) and a financial analyst (fa).

B'H, no one was allergic to the first course, the salads also went with moderate success, and even cholent didn't disappoint.

Naturally, the conversation drifted to the economy. And all the money flushed down the toilet (the process euphemistically called 'the bailout'). I think I mentioned that some of these companies should file for bankruptcy. FA agreed, WH started to protest saying that it would be unfair to millions of people who'd become unemployed if a company like GM would go bankrupt.
FA politely tried to explain the process of how a corporation files for bankruptcy. WH again expressed his concern for the working class. FA politely pointed out that a big corporation like GM should not be confused with a local bakery. Local bakery goes out of business - people lose jobs; GM files for bankruptcy - restructuring happens, most people keep their jobs.

WH: But CNN says that if GM would go bankrupt millions of people would lose their jobs.

Here even I couldn't take it and politely pointed out to WH that just because CNN reports something, that something does not become absolute or even vague truth.

The conversation became a bit heated ( and unshabosdik) after that. Neither FA, a subject matter expert, nor I, an observer who pointed out that just because a story is reported doesn't make the story true, can stand in a way of a CNN chasid's economics.

In the end we agreed to disagree. And five days later I still wonder why anyone still perceives CNN as a source of useful information.

I miss my neighbors

Soon after we moved to the block we discovered that the middle aged couple who lived in a house not far from ours wasn't that friendly ( not the only ones, but the post is dedicated to them). They didn't really answer our greetings, and I remember hubby practicing assertiveness ( or just amusing himself) but saying "good morning" a few times until he's get an answer back.

Well, this couple moved. And into their house moved a family with a whole bunch of little kids. Those kids stare. And blatantly refuse all our attempts (mine and my kids) at friendship. The parental greetings are also scarce...

Well, yesterday I passed by a house that's rumored to be that to which the middle-aged-formerly-my-neighborly couple moved to. And to my surprise and disgust (or maybe just guilt?) I realized that I miss them.

With a regrettable delay I realized that I prefer middle aged snobs to younger (snobbish?) starers...

By the way, is starer a word?

I'll be wearing my work clothes

I once went on a date with a lawyer. Since we worked in the same neighborhood, we agreed to meet soon after work. And after we agreed on the day and time of the date he added (quite unnecessarily?) that he'll be wearing his work clothes. I said that I'll be wearing mine and we left it at that though I wondered if I should take my lab coat in my pocketbook ( just in case).
In the end, the guy wasn't even worth me showing up in a robe but that's not what this post is about.

It appears that some work clothes are better than others. Often business people (i.e. those who have to have a 'professional' appearance) quite often find it acceptable to show up at an evening social function wearing their 'work' clothes, regardless of the general appearance of these clothes. A suit is a suit.

A couple of times I've noticed doctors (medical residents) attending a function in scrubs. Granted , doctor is a respectable profession. But a uniform at a social function is neither respectable nor respectful.

Would it be ok for a nursing assistant to show up in scrubs? Would a nursing assistant or a nurse (wearing exact same scrubs) ever allow him/herself this liberty. How about a mechanic in an oily blue one-piece, or a butcher in a blood splatters apron? Can a train conductor or a police officer show up at an engagement party or a brit in their uniform?

Or do I need to get out more?

Unforgettable, that's what I'm not

Shabbat Chanuka I encountered a former classmate (high school). I came over. Said hi. Confirmed that she was who I think she was. She said she can't recall my name. I said it. She asked me if we went to seminary together...I, quite unnecessarily said, "high school".



My former classmate had a few kids around her...And for the rest of shabbat I had a recurrent and disturbing thought that maybe my pregnancy/childbearing-related memory loss is not as temporary as I hoped.

You aren't that yeshivish

Last Friday, I took SiM to MD @ 10:30. Then it snowed. So I had the luxury of a couple of hours to do what I please. So I decided to indulge in the forgotten luxury also knows as manicure.

In the nail place (calling it a salon would make me a superlatives user, so I shan't) I met one of my old neighbors. She asked me where I'm sending Eh next year.

Eh's school happens to be a bit of personal current events. My inefficient pushing combined with my unnecessary honesty resulted in Eh ( and me) missing some important deadlines. So I told this neighbor a short summary of our somewhat frustrating school application process. Then I mentioned that I'm still thinking of a couple of schools. The neighbor immediately told me not even attempt one of them because 'it's NOT for you *with a sourish face*'. Ok. I was just telling my options, not final decisions...Whatever.

Time in the nail places is kind of slow so we continued the conversation and I asked where the neighbor sends her daughters. She told me. And added right away. "But you aren't yeshivish ..." I agreed with her again and conversation dwindled.

A few minutes later I noticed one of this neighbor's daughters doing her nails, too. She was dressed exactly like me (minus the head covering/plus glam hair).

And since those nails take a long time to polish and dry, I sat there thinking. Why point out how unyeshivish my family is instead of describing the general parent body of the school? Why dispense invaluable advise to someone you see once in 6 months? And, was this just a case of yeshivish 'figi' and not-yeshivish 'vicked'?

Truck driver for a day

Today, for the second time this month, I got the honor (and the pleasure) of driving a Cadillac pick up truck. Here are some of my observations ( as seen from the driver's seat of a pick up truck):

1. Men stared.
2. Women stared.
3. A double parked yiddishe mench in a minivan did a double take.
4. Sedans cut me off less.
5. Those sedans and SUVs that did cut off/pass me, invariably showed off how fast they can really go.
6. Pedestrians were more cautious (except for one who tested pick up's breaks. b"H they passed).
7. Every pick up truck (especially domestic) challenged me to a race.
8. I felt like I was driving a tractor.
9. I enjoyed all the puddles, ponds, and mini lakes instead of driving around them.
10. A colleague pointed out that people with low self esteem typically overcompensate by driving big cars.I'm still thinking about this one...

Still mourning

It all keeps running through my head. The bravery of Sandra Samuel and the miracle of Moshe Tzvi's survival. The personal tragedies and indredible dedication of the Holtzbergs, HY'D. All the others who perished. Rivka Holtzberg, zt'l, being 6 months pregnant. Little Moshe witnessing his parents' death. The funeral which I watched in the morning. The words of Lubavicher Rebbe -if a few terrorists can accomplish so much bad how much more good a lot of us can accomplish.

I think the first time I came in contact with chadabnicks was in Italy. After all other representatives of various orthodox organizations left by the end of the summer, chabadniks were the only ones who stayed on (I later realized they were shluchim). They tought us, fed us, help us celebrate Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur. They gave us a glimpse into the Jewish life that we weren't allowed to know of in our previous lives.

In my glorious single traveling days, my friends and I used to go to Chabad houses for shabbat, frequently just arriving at their door steps without any warning and still being welcomed in. Chabadniks in SF were there to feed us delicious baked chicken in the Golden Gate Park on chol hamoed Pesach ( a funny site- us and some users happily munching).

Chabadniks are the ones who visit Jews in some remote and sometimes forgotten places like nursing homes and hospitals in not-so-Jewish neighborhoods. The minor nuisance of being offered chanuka candles to one who lights is nothing in comparison to many many people who'd light because they were offered these candles. They may be controversial, a group one loves to hate yet Chabadniks like you because you are Jewish. Period.

I'm mourning. We all are. But maybe the best way to find comfort is to remember that we, Jews, are one and act that way.