Monday, November 10, 2008

All that glitters

It probably started when I was a kid. All the grown-ups looked so big and tall and fascinating. Then, when I grew up to be of average height I still found tall people interesting and fascinating. What the heck, I even married one.

Then I realized that there is a catch. It started with tall husband putting everyday objects on top shelves without realizing that the only one who can easily reach them is he. Then came the tall babysitter who also put things 'away' thus after either the husband or the babysitter straightened up the kitchen, an average person would for days and something weeks think that things disappeared from her kitchen (cursing potential culprits and buying replacements) only to discover the missing necessities weeks later on a chance trip to the top kitchen cabinets.
Then there is short yet one of the best (with a touch of OCD)cleaning lady. She disposes of dead and dying stuff from the fridge and other obscure locations. She finds a place for every toy in the house. She also straightens out my kitchen- it becomes extra shiny and beautiful. And, I cannot find half of my stuff.Last time she was here I had perfectly clean baby bottles but after 20 minutes of searching couldn't find the nipples that went on the clean bottles. The other day I heard a glass shatter while she was in the kitchen... Was it her way of recycling or was it yet another one of my wedding gifts disappearing into nothingness?

Anyhow, now that I've written my long intro, here's tonight's story. Our family went out for our first motzaei shabbat pizza together. We had fun, ate lots and lots, came home, put kids to bed. I was too lazy to go out again, so hubby went out for a bit and I decided to write a bit with a glass of good wine and then turn in.

By this point in my life I knew where hubby stashes the wine (top shelf, kitchen cabinet), I climbed up on a chair, chose wine appropriate for the occasion and went to get the cork screw. Except it wasn't in the place where I last saw it a few months ago. I climbed up on a chair again. Checked all the top cabinets, while blessing all the tall people under my breath. Nothing there. I got off the chair, blessed all the short people including my cleaning lady, and checked all the bottom ones. Nothing. I checked all the obvious and not so obvious locations.I didn't even want the wine anymore. I wanted to feel that the kitchen and its contents belong to me even if I don't cook so often, darn it!

I almost thought I got it but it ended up being just a cork stopper. I WANTED MY EASY-TO-USE-TRUSTED-CRATE-AND-BARREL CORKSCREW!!!

And then, epiphany. Earlier today, the shortest person in my household in his infinite need to explore emptied contents of one kitchen drawer. And I remembered seeing one of a souvenir basic corkscrews from Hotel in AZ where hubby and I had our first wonderful Pesach vacation together. (Thank Gd for obsessive souvenir collecting) I looked in the drawer and there is was "Omni Tuscan Resort and Spa" stick which converted to a corkscrew!

It wasn't as simple to use as my crate and barrel one and I gave a couple of negative vibes to all those who misplace stuff in my kitchen in the name of order but at last the bottle was opened.

Naturally, when I was in the middle of writing this composition and happily sipping my wine I realized that I could've called hubby and asked him where the corkscrew was but that would make my life simple and ordinary and I'd have one less entry in my blog...

4 comments:

SubWife said...

I think I spent the first year of my married life looking for things. I distinctly remember the vinegar episode which ironically left everyone sour. Ahh, the joys of married life.

Moshe said...

Bwahaha, ROFLMAO.

My corkscrew and bottle opener are usually on or next to table.

What was the wine?

Sally Hazel said...

It was some Israeli muscat that we got for Purim and kept forgetting to drink. It tasted better than the Overrated Bartenura though since it wasn't 'chilled before enjoying' I would've probably done better with shiraz...

Btw, I just realized that I still didn't ask hubby re: corkscrew...

Barb Chansky said...

LOL! You go, Sim! By the way, I gave you that bottle:)