Always wear clean underwear

Ok. So this post isn't about underwear at all... Though that's what I thought of at the end of the day. How some people say that their mom's told them to always wear clean underwear when they go outside-just in case something happens and they have to go to a hospital where Not clean underwear would be noticed.


Anyhow. Today was one of those Sundays. The kids woke up a bit too early and by 10 o'clock I realized that if I don't get them out of the house within minutes, bad things would happen to an otherwise good living room.

"Within minutes' resulted in:
Eh wearing a decent outfit with her new sparkly 'special occasion' tights and hair, albeit in a pony with a headband, framing her face a bit wildly;
SiM dressed in matching clean outfit;
Baby wearing *new* turquoise/purple sweatsuit (with cropped pants!), *warm* pink panda socks, *extra warm* bright green jacket;
Self wearing a cute denim skirt (which sadly shrunk over the holiday season resulting in loss of both loss waist button and some of the length), beige t-shirt, and black velvet hat (which thankfully stayed on head with perfect hair coverage).
Favorite sister joined us in her favorite Sunday getup.

We were having fun in the park for about 30 minutes, sister/baby on baby swings, self and big kids on big kid swings. It was decently not crowded and thankfully uneventful (other than Eh's hair became even fluffier and the sparkly tights got one snag).

Then SiM decided to run from 'big kids' crowd to the 'other' :) crowd. And that's how I noticed that favorite sister is talking to someone else. That someone else ended up being a couple (now with child) whom I actually introduced and whom I haven't seen in 4 years.
We were delighted to see each other and meet our new additions.

Amusingly, Baby, who carefully chooses who may and may Not hold her (or even look at her), let my friend hold her and even didn't want to go back to me! Not so amusingly though, my friend pointed out that Baby's thighs were cold and I felt a bit embarrassed explaining that the pants were "cropped" and the socks should be pulled up like knee highs.

And after I went to my car I wondered about the irony of having 47 different headbands and a 8x4 container full of hair clips, pony holders and detangler while my Eh looked like a kid from a Yahoo commercial for hair products (the one before the parent discovered yahoo:)). And the irony of having lots and lots and lots of clothes to dress little Baby and then being caught dressing her in *cropped* sweat pants on a windy day, not to mention the rest of the color scheme. The irony of me telling everyone how much fun it is to dress up girls when in reality, in a crunch, a dressing a boy is a piece of cake. And of course, the fact that if the skirt doesn't fit, Don't wear it!

In the afternoon, I had a pleasure of meeting someone I haven't seen in 6 years. Thankfully, Eh's hair was pretty, Baby was dressed in one of her cute pink outfits with full size pants, and SiM still looked put together. I, on the other hand, still had The skirt on and exchanged the hat that fit for a head scarf which was more comfortable (hopefully, my hair didn't stick out from it like Eh's did in the morning). They were delighted to see me non the less (and unlike me didn't seem to gain 30 lbs).

My 3 loyal readers know that I frequently complain about my minivan because it's a mom-car and it makes me feel like, well, a mom. But not necessarily a glamour mom but a mom whom every sedan and SUV want to pass. A mom who needs to shlep lots of groceries in one hand while shlepping a crying child in another. A mom who hardly sleeps, doesn't have time to take care of herself OR her car... You get the picture.

Well, today I felt in part like a self fulfilling prophet and in part like a lucky woman who just forgot that it Always Pays to Wear Clean Underwear. Well, you know what I mean.

She tricked me

On Wednesday I tried to be a good mom and took the two older kids shopping with me. We made two stops - supermarket and variety store.

The kids behaved remarkably well in the supermarket - they took turns riding in the front of the shopping card and didn't make any unreasonable demands (the extras included two bags of corn chips and a bag of sour sticks for shabbos party).

They were OK at the variety store, too. They helped me choose dairy and meat plastics for our kitchen table and attempted to buy only one mop. They later requested to ride on some 50 cent cross between a kangaroo and a rabbit and I agreed, seeing how nicely they behaved.

The ride back home was 6 minutes maximum. I think exchanged a couple of sentences with them on the way. Then we arrived in front of our house and I went to unbuckle the kids. To my surprise and disappointment, Eh's fallen asleep. When did it happen? How did I miss it? A kid falling asleep around 5:30PM is nothing but trouble....

I called her by name. No response. I called her again, and rubbed her knee. No response. I called her the third time and rubbed her knee a bit stronger. And that's when Eh started laughing with her eyes still closed!

I was relieved that she wasn't sleeping. But when did my kid get old enough to know that if she pretends to fall asleep (a skill in and of itself) in the car, that may get me going for a bit?

Boo Haman

On Purim night, the kids and I went to shul to listen to the megilah. SiM took along the gragger he made in school. Eh chose to take her wand only.

Both kids enthusiastically booed every time Haman's name was mentioned and SiM shook his gragger. A few minutes later my kids noticed some other kids with lollies and SiM politely asked for a lolly, too. I dispatched Eh to get some lollies from a candy man and a few minutes later, Eh and SiM were multitasking -eating lollies and booing Haman.

What made this blogworthy? After getting his lolly pop, almost without fail, SiM would first shake the lolly, then realize that he was shaking the wrong hand, and start shaking his gragger. After I reminded him of this story today, I'm not sure which one of us was laughing harder -he or I.

Pros and Cons of taking kids to a wedding

Pro: quality time spent with kids
Con: while most spent that time attending the chupa

Pro: getting an opportunity to show off my kids
Con: not getting an opportunity to talk about them

Pro: kids eating dinner without any complaints about food
Con: portions aren't big enough for a kid and an adult with a healthy appetite

Pro: Having a built in excuse not to socialize while eating
Con: Having that excuse squirm on my lap most of the meal

Pro: fitting into my pre-pregnancy dress
Con: not realizing until after returning home from the event that just fitting into something might not be enough for the desired look

Pro: kids enjoying dancing
Con: the crowded dance floor necessitating this dancing to be done while being held by mom

Pro: finding comfortable high heeled shoes in the closet in less than 2 minutes
Con: shoe being only comfortable when no attempts are made at dancing with a child in hands

Pro: bribing the kids with some take-home-to-eat-later cookies and kids forgetting about them upon returning home
Con: husband discovering and consuming the cookies before I did

Watch your mouth

I was driving with the kids on one of narrow local streets when suddenly the car in front of me stopped. Just like that, in the middle of the road. I patiently waited as, apparently, the driver had to receive something from an apologetic-looking pedestrian. Then the car continued standing in the middle of the street.

I'm all for stopping if and when needed but kindly move to a side! So, I honked. The car moved forward a bit and stopped. I honked again, a bit longer, more inpatient honk. The car inched forward again. BUT not to either one of the sides. Then I just didn't let go of the horn. It was passed kids' bedtime, I felt exhausted and annoyed. MOVE!

Finally, the car inched a bit more AND slightly to the left. And I was finally able to squeeze by. When I was finally able to see the driver (some oblivious local woman of unidentifiable age) I yelled into my closed window "Move over!" and then against my better judgement but with lots of emotion "Stupid!".

Then we stopped by a red light and Eh asked " what did you say mommy?"
"I told the car to move over so we can pass..." I answered hoping that my Jewish instrumentals were loud enough during my 'conversation' with a fellow motorist.
"Why did you say that?"
"I wanted her to move over so we can pass..."
"Why?"
"I just wanted to pass..."
"Why did you say 'stupid'?"

Oops... "It was a mistake. I'm sorry. I said 'stupid' by mistake..."

In response, Eh just laughed.

An antisemite next door...

I've been patronising the local nail salon for the past few years. I even know the names of the owner and a couple of the workers and wave hi to them whenever I just pass by.

Today, I came home early enough to pick up Eh and go for a mommy-and-me manicures. While in there, I decided to 'shape' my eyebrows as well. And right before my turn some teenage Jewish girl (or was she possibly in her 20s) paid $14 worth of services with a credit card. The owner made a big deal about that transaction -'we get 85c from dollar, next time bring cash', etc.

I thought that in such cases she shouldn't accept credit cards and followed one of the 'cosmetologists' to the back to get my eyebrows done. A couple of minutes later, apparently as soon as the credit-card-paying-girl walked out, the owner said "$14 pay with credit card, less tip. should bring cash. Jewish!" and some patron (later observed to be of African descent) responded " yea, that's how they get rich..." The conversation continued in the same tones for a few minutes.

I asked the cosmetologist taking care of my eyebrows, who also serviced the credit-card-paying-girl, if she wasn't tipped by the girl. And unless I grossly misunderstood the thick accent, she was tipped, from the same credit card. I also mentioned to her that the conversation in the front 'was not nice'. To her credit, the cosmetologist looked embarrassed.

As soon as I was released from the eyebrow shaping, I took my kid by the hand (who the whole time patiently waited to have to nails polished), paid for my eyebrows in cash ( leaving a cash tip for self and the kid before me), said that I no longer wish to paint mine or my daughter's nails in that place, explained to the owner in one G-rated sentence why I was leaving, and left.

I learned from a very young age that my nation is not a popular one. But until today, I still cannot believe the extent of stupidity of those displaying their dislike of my people...

Bread and butter AKA payback

For the past few weeks, as soon as I'd turn of the lights or try to say Shma with Eh, she tells me that she's hungry and needs to eat something.

I'm well aware that it's her way of postponing her bedtime. But sometimes I give in and take her downstairs to eat a sandwich or a couple of crackers. To make a long story short, it's becoming a scary routine where as soon as she gets into her bed Eh says that she'd like to eat crackers with cream cheese ( or 2 crackers, or just crackers...).

I'm trying to take this in stride. May be she is really hungry because she isn't a great eater (and there are only so many creative pasta suppers I can make- and anyway she prefers her pasta free of any 'dressing').

Or maybe it's just payback for all those times I made a scene of not going to sleep without getting my 'bread and butter'? I remember having a phase where I'd have to eat bread and butter (after staying in bed for a bit) before going to sleep...

A couple of days ago I told my mom about my 'crackers with cream cheese' issue. I even apologized for driving her crazy. She told me it wasn't a bother at all... And if that's the case, maybe this isn't payback but just an opportunity for Eh and me to have our little girl-chats over some crackers.

Crayola vs Laffy Taffy

The other day Eh and SiM were coloring. SiM's coloring activity usually involves a bit of scribbling and lots of opening and covering the markers. So while the kids were busy coloring, I went to the kitchen to make some tea. I came back, commented on Eh's beautiful pictures, then looked at SiM. And I had to do a double take because in a minute's time it took me to make tea SiM decided to digress from his usual coloring activity and try to taste the marker. Or was it 'eat' the marker.

His lips , tongue, and even tips of his front teeth were deep blue. (It must've been a fresh marker.) Amid adamant protests I quickly rushed to wash out ' the blues' before anybody else would notice what the kid has done under my supervision:) Thankfully, the markers are washable and in less than 3 minutes SiM was pretty much back to his usual 'color'.

Then, a couple of days later, grandma took Eh for pizza and the 'pizza man' gave Eh a laffy taffy for frequent patronage. Eh was so proud of her candy, she brought it home and showed it off to everyone. Then, she ate it.

After the whole PM routine of brushing teeth, putting on pjs, and reading a book, I said something that made Eh giggle. And I saw her tongue. It was deep blue ( apparently food coloring not as easily washable as the dye in the marker).

This left me wondering: should I be scandalized by my kids eating candy and be cool if they taste a marker once in a while?

The Met

My sister wanted to go to Botanical Gardens to view some flowers. Last week, I told her we (self and kids) would come along. Then when I found out it was New York Botanical Gardens, I convinced her to go to Prospect Park Zoo instead. Why go to the Bronx to see plants when you can stay in Brooklyn and see plants AND aminals?

This weekend sister was determined to go to Botanical Gardens but the weather was blah and she proposed we go to the Met. Recalling all the wonderful times sister and Eh had at the Met and considering the weather, Met sounded like a great idea. And Eh confirmed that she wanted to go to museum. So we were on.

We were in the car and on our way by 10:15! SiM fell asleep on Prospect Expressway. Eh kept saying that she is tired but she didn't fall asleep until we were on UES. All was going well. I even circled around the Met for a while looking for the best possible parking spot so the kids would sleep longer. My best possible parking was 2 blocks away and right in front of some coffee shop. The kids were sleeping, sister and I were having cappuccinos, and life couldn't get any better.

Then Eh woke up , climbed in the back a bit, and decided that she wants to come out. SiM was woken up and in a bit on a bad mood. Sister and I were still optimistic.

When we walked into the lobby of the museum both kids perked up and seemed to be delighted to be there. We decided to see 'the dancer from Olivia' and then play it by ear.

Then Eh refused to get into an elevator. From that point on, (though we did look at some paintings a bit) they were taking turns attempting to cry, asking to be carried, and asking for (lolly)'pop'/apple doos. We were alternately looking for Degas, elevators, cafeteria, bathroom, elevators, accessible exit. Finally, after riding up and down the elevator and walking up and down hallways, we found a cafe. The kids perked up significantly after eating some bamba, cheese and bread.

The trip improved from that point on. We even found Degas with minimal effort (Eh's reaction to all the dancers was minimal as well). But I think the kids enjoyed most standing by the banister overlooking the main stairway and yelling hello to the people down below:)

We'll try the Children's museum next week...

Chol Hamoed

I think yesterday marked the very first time we as a family went to an amusement park. The trip included just about everything a family trip to an amusement park should have:
-a ride on a merry-go-round for all (with smiling kiddies and a bit nauseated mom and dad);
-a mini roller coaster ride;
-one parent getting most of the only-kids-can-enjoy spinning rides (because the other parent 'would throw up');
-a parent squeezing into the back of a kiddie boat ride and almost sinking the boat (or "how long can 3 minutes last?");
-being lightly shoved and pushed by little and big kids and by some;
-a mini panic attack when for a few long seconds a kid is presumed to be lost (and then found behind my back);
-overpriced but otherwise enjoyable burgers and fries;
-a mild disagreement on how many rides are too many for kids under 3;
-a mild disagreement on the necessity of pony rides for kids under 3 who are a bit tired and overstimulated by the amusement park;
-a happy ride home. (I think this one was a bonus).

Trying to be an adult about things

I don't know where I've been for the past 15 months. Who took my bald little baby with a pointy nose and substituted him with a toddler who walk around shaking his fingers @ you saying 'no more', throws things to the garbage on command ( gabage) and takes things out of the garbage despite lots of commands not to do so. The toddler who stands by the window and waves 'ba ba' to me and then switches his tune and starts waving and hollering 'allO, Eya ( Leya) to our next door neighbor.

Today, I gave this toddler an ice cream for dessert. After a little while he gave his ice cream to his abba and took an apple as a substitute. He ate some of it, then started saying 'garbage' and pointing to the can. When I moved the garbage can close enough to his high chair, he took whatever chewed up apple was left in his mouth and proceeded to throw it into the garbage can ( with good aim, I should add). After thus disposing of his apple, he pointed to my ice cream and ahe'd @ it. Imagine my surprise when after I handed him the ice cream he promptly handed it over to his abba. Abba happened not to like the ice cream to begin with, so he passed the ice cream back to me. SiM ahe'd at my ice cream again. And when I handed it to him he again passed it over to abba.

And that's when I reminded myself over and over again that I'm an adult. And I'm not at all jealous of the attention abba got.

I'm an adult.

VACATION

This year the choice ended being simple-good weather and blah hotel or good hotel and blah weather. It didn't take long to realize that 9 days of blah hotel may be 9 days too many. So we chose to go to a nice hotel in Maryland.


It was within driving distance yet far away from to be an official vacation. The grounds (chesapeaque bay) were beautiful, the accomodations ( hyatt) were great -from polite staff to lots of couches and other comfortable seats throughout the entire place. The food was great- lots of tasty variety. We went boating one day ( pedal boating which seemed to work wonders on little SiM- he was asleep within minutes). Eh went swimming almost every day of the chol hamoed. We went shopping/driving. We ( the adults) attended the inhouse entertainment of mock gambling, Michael Iceberg live, and just an evening with no kids in tow:)

On a bit of a blah note- both kids got colds and hubs and I had sever indigestion from out 'home made' matza that was thicker than packing carton. And the kids got so used to being with us all the time that it was difficult to get adjusted to the routine back home of us working and them staying home with the babysitter. But that's a very minor stuff that in no way marred our great vacation. So thank Gd and hopefully soon again!