I usually associate anniversaries with something joyful but this one was somber and brought tears to my eyes more than once.
It started last night when I inadvertently overheard some of the 9/11 tv report. Then this morning, I saw a fire fighter in dress uniform walking to a 9/11 memorial in the Rockaways. Bloombergs radio reporting about now traditional ceremony @ ground zero and at the same time telling about all the conspiracy theories regarding who was behind the attacks.
TV in patient's room - a moment of silence for the fallen, recital of their names with their pictures in the lower left corner. (The patient got annoyed because I stood in her room mesmerized, unable to take my eyes away from the tv and break my thoughts away from the memories of that day.) Throughout the morning I bumped into a tv or a radio here and there and heard more of the name recital which brought tears every time. I tried hide the tears. Those who don't mourn won't understand and my explanation would only trivialize things.
I went to the Rockaways memorial during lunch. The flag was at half mast and beyond the park I saw the skyline, the spot where the towers stood.
After lunch some insensitive foreigner in my department asked what's the deal with today. And for the first time in 5 years I worked with 3 other therapists who were there by the window and saw it all happen together with me. One of them remembered how one of the present therapists cried bitterly for 2 hours until he finally got in touch with his wife who worked in lower Manhattan, the soot, the papers flying in the air, the panic, the need to stay at work and reassure the residents and the urge to find your loved ones, run home and hide.
I guess you had to be there to realize the way it changed everything.
A few weeks later I found some cards @ B & N : " we are all in this together" and " new york needs us strong". I gave them out to my coworkers and many of us had them handing by our desks.
I don't want to remember this but I hope I won't forget.